Updated: Jun 19
Let me describe a typical situation that happens often... A woman who is weary and had a long week of traveling for work, knows that she only has an hour until she's in her own bed. But she has to wait for the dreaded carousel to deliver her pink luggage and the slow shuttle bus to make it back to her car. Her body is physically exhausted, and she is emotionally drained from exerting all her energy to master and strategize their hostile work environment in the midst of a corporate merger. She's in high anticipation to see the shuttle, because she knows it's the last thing standing in the way of her final destination, which is home!
She retrieves her checked luggage and maneuvers her bag past all the travelers to the exit. She normally has to wait at least 20 minutes for the shuttle, but she was pleasantly surprised that it was waiting for her outside the airport doors when she exited. She didn't have to wait those 20-30 minutes, that would seemingly feel like forever! She hauls her luggage up the bus stairs and greets the driver with a huge smile, a pleasant disposition and bright grateful eyes!
The male bus driver says, "You seem glad to see me," with a chuckle. She giggles, and responds, "I AM, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"
The driver looks out the window and with a big grin and a southern twang, "I sure do love my job! He said where else could a 60-year-old man work in a place where women trip over themselves to get my attention, in anticipation of little old me picking them up?"
He snickered, "I wish I could record the women who are so pleasantly looking forward to seeing me, with such anticipation, smiling faces and glad-to-see you comments! As if they could barely wait to see me!"
He sighed and said sadly, "I'd gladly play it for my wife to see! Because that's how I've always pictured her in my head as I drive home, but it's never how I find her! But it's how I've always wanted her to look when I come home!"
Having Problems with Connecting Daily?
In the old days a woman greeted her man with a SMILE, a 💋from a lipstick made up face and his slippers. Honey it's 2023 and most wives now work, but is a smile, some pleasant words and welcoming tone for the man she claims to love, asking too much? We take care of everything and everyone else daily, but we will need to take care of marriage daily as well! This isn't done by enormous acts of love or kindness daily, but it is strategically built in practical ways each and every day, day in and day out! Daily we have the ability to impact how our husbands perceive their reception upon their return home. We must use our power to be intentional with how we greet him when he walks through that door, which can directly impact his feelings of importance to you and emotional worth to your marriage.
While dating you were intentional in connecting together in conversations, the amount of enthusiastic attention showed, non-sexual physical touches and time spent together. And if you hadn't then, you probably wouldn't be married today... So now that you are married, you will need to count each interaction as a rope that brings you closer together or another brick added to the wall between you, that once erected, grants the room for things to grow cold and for you two to grow apart.
Could something so simple be something that carries so much weight with our husband? Could something so simple make such an impact on this man's marriage and his view of returning home to her, and her appreciation for him after a long days work? We must remember that a man's 'Love Language' is RESPECT! That is the currency of how he measures and weighs your LOVE for him! And if you're thinking that's how you make him feel every day, then doesn't how you receive him when he returns home matter? Please keep in mind the 60-year-old man's imagination, on his way home as he anticipated the look and reaction from his wife when he walks through the door. Once he's disappointed, it could set the tone for the rest of your evening together as a couple. It could cut-off his power of creative romance, desire for conversational connections with you and maybe even open up his mind to an intriguing interaction with someone else, maybe on social media or even the excitement of watching less moral things on the internet.
If it's not the major things like abuse or adultery, that always destroys our marriages... I tend to believe that it is an accumulation of the little things that destroy the beauty of our love in marriage. The bible says in
Song of Solomon 2:15 (NLT)
15 Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!
The Total Measurement of Love is Contributed to Daily?
Please know that a spouse's overall gauge and quantified evaluation of their marriage and assessment of how much they feel loved and is assessed by how much they feel appreciated. It is the measurement of that feeling, even when their spouse isn't around that will sum up for them how much they love you and how much you love them. This only happens when each spouse pays close attention to your rituals of emotional and relational connection at the beginning and end of the day, which leaves that last taste (if you will) in their mind, heart and psyche! This includes how you greet your spouse. And what if their wives had no idea of the role their disposition plays in her husband's pleasure in coming home to them? This could otherwise contribute to a type of disconnection that begins to take place in your relationship.
Point blank sis, every connection built will have to be deliberate! After being apart for a portion of the day, or days/weeks of extended time, it will either be an intentional bridge that makes up the restoration of a loving connection between you two. Or the intentional wall that's built brick-by-brick of a cold divider of separation that ultimately feeds towards the dis-connection, one encounter at a time. Even if just dating and not married yet, what do you think shows him what it will be like to be married to you every day for the rest of his life, except the details of how he feels after each interaction with you. Successful couples are very intentional to make sure that their reunions deserve some detailed attention!
Honey, (I don't have a dog anymore, but when we did) I didn't even let the dog beat me to the door to greet my man! Imagine if we had a fraction of the enthusiasm to see our husbands as the young kids who run to the door yelling, "Daddddy's Home!!" How much more important would it be for him to be greeted with excitement for his wife, instead of us grunting "hey" and not even looking up from our computer keyboards or the persistent scroll of our social media feed? How you live out the intentional love of Christ daily with your spouse is what shows him how God's love really works in marriage. The word says in Romans 16:16, (ESV) "Greet one another with a holy kiss." So how I show God that I'm grateful for my spouse is to make every effort to treat my spouse like he's the most important person in the entire world to me! Because he is! Not like I ain't paying him no mind and that I really could care less whether he ever came home or not!
Remember no one else has pledged their lives to you! No one else entered into a covenant with you before God and man! No one else has committed to being there for you, through the ups and the downs, good and bad times, when your financially broke or living in abundance! And no one else experiences the truest and rawest versions of you, unbridled emotions and flaws, more than your spouse. So why shouldn't he also get to experience the best of you, intentionally? Keep in mind, what's appealing about a side chick or a new relationship, is that person still puts in the efforts daily to make you feel important, appreciated, wanted, valued and loved. She'll even make sure she's looking presentable, with makeup and smelling good before he arrives. The same way that you did when your two were dating... It really doesn't matter how many years that you've been doing this, that's all the more reason why after 30 years, he still needs to see an inviting smile on your face when he cracks the door.
I bet a lot of men have these simple desires! Like, I wish my wife will smile at me more. Or I wish my wife wouldn't complain so much! Maybe even, I wish my wife would talk to me, as if she actually likes me! Give some time before bringing up the matters at hand! Just give him a moment to just be loved on and appreciated by the woman he loves...
Don't tell your man, what changes you're going to make, just start doing it. When you hear the garage door opening and the doorknob turning, stop what you're doing go hug and kiss the love of your life! What a great challenge this could be! To strategically change the anticipation of your man's heart, by the very glimpse of your driveway! These efforts could change him from a man that stops for happy hour because he doesn't want to return home, to having a 250-pound man skipping home. A real woman knows how to use her God ordained power to change the atmosphere of the environment of her home.
Use your gifts and perfect your craft sis!
I'm rooting for you,
Author Adia Dozier
Called to be a Wife Devotional
Perfecting Her Craft, LLC
A Literary Company