A New Year's Marriage Resolution (if you will)
On January 5, 2023, Posted by Adia Dozier,
It is customary for many of Americans to make New Year's resolutions at the end of the previous, or at the beginning of the New Year... And even though most people will fail at their resolutions because of lack of commitment and follow-through, data from YouGovAmerica suggests about a quarter of Americans that will make a resolution will actually accomplish them. The most popular resolutions are about self-improvements, but we can break them down into categories of: living healthier 23%; intentionally becoming happier 21%; losing weight 20%; exercising 7%; quit smoking 5%; reduction in the amount of drinking 2%. In addition, a considerable amount of people resolves to meet their career or job goals 16% and improve their relationships 11%.
But according to a study done by the University of Scranton, despite the optimism of their big plans, only 8% of people will successfully achieve their New Year's resolutions and adapt those changes to their everyday behaviors. Most of us are required to do this annually in a corporate environment. At work, I just had to be transparent and conduct an honest self-assessment of my performance of my job during this year. I am forced to write about my achievements, accomplishments and successes of what I've done well. And I am required to expound on areas where I may require growth and opportunities where I may not have excelled at this past year and make strategic suggestions on how I plan to improve during the upcoming year. This evaluation process is not confrontational between the staff and management, because it is expected for continued career growth and development.
What if we applied these same principles to our determination and resolve to be a Wife of Excellence? No, we shouldn't wait till the end of the year, for us to take an honest evaluation of our relational performance as a spouse in particular areas in which we engaged with our mate. But it gives us the opportunity to be honest with ourselves about our current situations and grants a moment of self-reflection about what we handled well, and possibly could educate ourselves and/or seek God's assistance in the areas we could improve in. Or maybe they are areas where God is simply requiring us to become disciplined in that thing, mastering our emotions and aspiring to become matured in our responses.
And just like a corporate evaluation, once I evaluate myself, the final step in the process is, I will be appraised by my manager and assigned a score. This score is added up from the different areas in which I'm assessed, according to the requirements for my job and a financial amount will be assigned, (hopefully) equal to my exerted efforts. This is also the time in our marriages to humble ourselves and be transparent before our spouses, asking our husbands for an honest assessment of our performance. Giving an opportunity for praise and correction, as we openly discuss all aspects of our relationship. In maturity, any adult should be willing to be assessed, so they can improve, right? As none of us ever wants to be caught off guard, thinking that we're performing awesome in an area, but our partner has been thinking something else entirely. It allows for both parties to be intentionally open to learning what the other person wants, desires and needs to be relationally fulfilled.
With this new year, we are granted the opportunity to become intentional about the type of wife we claim to be and to make strides as we strategically mature towards her direction. We must identify what areas we want to honestly commit efforts to growing and developing in, to achieve our desired results and ultimately contribute to the overall satisfaction and emotional fulfillment of you and your husband.
What the above statistics say to me, is there is increased probability of successful changes that can occur in your marriage, if you and your husband got on the same page this upcoming year! But let's be honest, my self-eval at work is not dependent on anyone else's performance except mine! I cannot blame my lack of performance, on my co-workers lack of performance! So, I'm going to take the same stance and transparently evaluate myself as a wife, using God's biblical standards. Every married couple should have a vision for their relationship or, at least, a clear idea of what they want for their marriage and family. This is because it is extremely difficult to create the kind of marriage that you desire without clear marriage goals in mind. And without having a clearly communicated definition of your expected role as a wife, and his expressed role as a husband. Just as the scripture says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
Why Do You Need a Vision for Your Marriage?
A vision brings unity into the marriage. It makes it so much easier to see eye-to-eye and grow as one together in all areas, including emotionally, spiritually, financially, and intimately. Nothing brings a couple closer than working together towards a common goal. And you must have a common goal in your relationship.
Doing the right thing becomes easier when you have a vision. The vision motivates you to do things that bring you closer to your dream marriage and they give you a gauge of how you want to strive your behavior or teach you what areas you need you improve in.
A vision gives you something positive to focus on during troubled times. It acts as the light at the end of the tunnel and motivates you to keep trying.
A vision also gives you a gauge or when your hit the mark, and you can be reward and build off your successes.
Creating a Yearly Vision for Your Marriage First and foremost, you and your spouse should get together and discuss your individual visions and goals for your marriage. Write them down and then look for similarities.
It helps to break them down into categories such as spiritual, financial, lifestyle, travel, relationship and parenting goals. This way, you can ensure that every area of your life is covered, and strategic steps can be defined.
If you are having trouble coming up with a vision for your marriage, try to get ideas from other successful couples. You don’t even have to ask them personally, there are many happily married Christian couples that have websites where they discuss their vision for their marriage and offer marriage advice for newlyweds.
Once you have your list of visions and goals, pray to God for direction. Ask him to give you a personalized and specific vision for your marriage and defined strategic steps to achieve. In addition, search for books in that relational area and study the bible and find out what the bible says about the marriage goals and visions that you have in mind.
Make Your Vision a Reality To make your vision a reality, you have to break it down into small bite-sized pieces. This means figuring out what you need to do every day to get closer to your goal. Whatever you come up with should be realistic such as spending half an hour of quality time together every day. Or making a commitment to not letting an entire week go by with intimate love making.
This year schedule regular marriage checkups to assess your progress and, if need be, alter your methods. Having marriage goals and a vision for your relationship with your spouse is not only Godly and but it can also make married life significantly easier when each spouses' expectations are made clearly known. When a couple agrees on what they want for their marriage and family, there are fewer reasons to argue and relationship issues can be reduced.
These ideas and others can strategically assist you in perfecting your craft as a wife and becoming the wife you dream of becoming. None of us were just born a wife, it has to be learned, our skills developed, and wifely maturity grown into!
As a Wife that's Constantly Striving and Learning,
Author Adia Dozier
Called to be a Wife Devotional
Perfecting Her Craft, LLC
A Literary Company