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When your Called to Love?

Updated: Mar 11, 2023



The concept of being drawn to a: vocation; duty; higher purpose; mission or a particular sect of work in theology, is referred to as a “Calling”. These people often claim to be “Called” to a particular thing when they receive an overwhelming draw to: a certain area or position; or when your supernaturally equipped with an extraordinary skill, talent or ability or seemingly supernatural guidance or a grace to creatively know about a subject; or when Doors/Opportunities/Money/ or People Supernaturally (usually illogically) Open and Multiply, finding favor for you, concerning this subject. People often understand the use of the spiritual term of “Calling”, when referring to particular occupations in the kingdom of God, such as those who serve as: Pastor; Preacher; Prophet; and Missionaries. Some even consider the concept of being Called, when speaking of people who have an undeniable draw to a particular career or to serve in a particular duty, like those drawn to being a: doctor; teacher; or even therapist. But the concept of “being called” goes further than just positions in particular careers, or at a church.


The world’s definition of success differs greatly from God’s. Take the role of a Pastor, for example—it would be easy for them to accept accolades for church growth, as many people equate high attendance numbers with a minister’s effectiveness. But whether we draw a crowd or not, success to God is measured by obedience. What about the individuals that have been impacted by this shepherd’s teachings? If the impact to their: lives; marriages; families; bondage and/or their salvation are forever changed for the better, then that Pastor’s influence on that person means the world to them, regardless of the number of members that attend the church, or how large the sanctuary may be. In today’s society most people will judge a Pastor, who will not make the sacrifice to discipline themselves to walk in a Holy path, constantly growing Spiritually and increasing their character traits that bring them more in-line with God’s purpose for their life. But will we not apply that same measure of judgment to their character development to ourselves!?!? Like some immature Christians we often treat God like a genie in a bottle and want our wishes granted, but don’t want to humble ourselves to change and do the work according to God’s standard. Most believe that God truly cares about our individual lives, then He must also care about the details of our Lives, like our: our work; our spiritual growth; how we spend our time; who we choose to marry; parenting and how we function in all of these roles. Sometimes people spend decades putting forth the effort to perfect their craft that they believe God has called them to serve in. After God has instilled the desire, sometimes God will: clear obstacles; match their training with supernatural ability; send the Holy Spirit through someone to keep them encouraged and heal their heart when life’s circumstances have brought disappointments.


So if we apply all of these principles of spiritual callings to our desire for love, as described in 1 Corinthians 12:7 (NIV) the verse reads“7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the Common good.” Like an athlete train for competition, your calling requires time to develop your gifts and skills needed to successfully accomplish the wholeness required to offer to someone or to receive from someone a healthy love! What happens when you have a deep longing for love and the deep desire for your heart to be known intimately and loved unconditionally? A love that people usually only experience through the marriage relationship, done God’s way. But are we willing to do the work to position ourselves to meet the Conditions of that type of love. And there are conditions for Love, even though we claim it to be UNCONDITIONAL! God puts Conditions on Most things! And we have conditions for our relationships, whether they have been verbalized or not. This type of relationship can only be started with a Healthy Friendship (WITHOUT SEX), that evolves into a Dating Relationship. And folks usually, you will only meet these prospective people OUTSIDE of your Home! So you MUST BE ACTIVE! As all of you would think that a person was crazy, if they showed up at your Front Door and said that they were sent to be your Husband! 😊 Thankfully God doesn’t require people to give up ALL of their entire life for the sole purpose of a longing of one thing, but it is usually held off until WE PUT IN THE WORK TO BE READY!


Paul gave his counsel to the people who were gifted to be married, verses the people meant to stay Single in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (MSG) 7 “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me, a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 8 I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. 9 But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.”


So Paul references these DIFFICULTIES that we have to prepare for… I went deep into the definitions of the Callings in Christ, because those are kingdom terms we often use and what we understand when we decide to accept those Callings. And How we view the disciplines that are then required of us, and we view them simply as our Christian responsibilities, attached to our Calling! We then hold ourselves responsible to: learning His word; to grow in the things of God; to exercise forgiveness because we know that it will hinder us and our Call; to fast for revelation and deliverance, and we’re willing to fight in the Spirit, like Jacob did, for our next blessings. But when we have loved and lost (For Whatever the Reason), we separate and compartmentalize those feelings from God. Are we willing to do the same work for love?!?! We feel totally justified in holding on to our pain, that came from the lies told, abandonment or the indiscretions committed by another or ourselves, and we keep that stuff separate from what we offer to Jesus at the alter. We long for love, and we can do our Christian duties, but we wont offer the sacrifice of our brokenness, transparency and our pain back to Jesus for us to healed! I’m talking to you devout Christians! We will work with the church and volunteer with ministries and can pray anything interceding for someone else’s deliverance. But we’ve packed our own years of pain into a box, labeled and we keep it tucked away! Even from God! And instead, we choose to live with this ever-unsatisfied hole in pit of our stomachs, of loneliness! Because we are HURT! Because we’ve settled! Because we used bad judgement! And packing it away, is easier then unpacking and wrestling with God until those issues are truly healed, delivered and whole again! Even if this baggage was caused by our own nasty attitudes, unforgiveness or mistakes, ISNT IT WORTH BEING FREE, AS FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY TO FIND LOVE AGAIN?!?!


We are encouraged that even the bad things will work for your good, when you are Called for God’s purpose. But that only happens when we UNPACK and PRESENT to the Master Physician!! Because we all have learned that the challenges of life, relationship, or health do not stop because we are on assignment by God to do a thing. At some point we are required to get healed, walk in wisdom, and stop the merry-go-round of casting our pearls amongst swine, when we continue to try to be wife, to those God has NOT Called to be our husbands!


The Holy Spirit said to me, “Every God inspired gift, is not a pulpit gift.” Which means that God has endowed some of us to do things that are none-the-less breathed by God, but we don’t think it’s for the masses, but for those intimately involved with our lives. My Super Power, is how to love as a wife! Thankfully the gifts of God are WITHOUT repentance, and they are also WITHOUT circumstance! Meaning that my Super Power did not disappear or was NOT TAKEN because someone made a horrible decision! My gifts and Calling to be a wife, were not attached to the person that left! I am called to push a worldwide campaign to empower each woman that desires to strive to be their best selves, as a current or a future wife. To prepare them by tying what God requires of us, the spiritual traits and necessary characteristics required, not just to get married, but to sustain a healthy and Holy marital relationship. We must use our single time to do the work required to heal and so that we can present our BEST WHOLE SELVES!


Family I know pain intimately! And one thing will always be true, your pain, betrayal, grief, and your healing aren't like anyone else's. It’s solely yours! But you cannot allow your spirit of betrayal or grief to overtake and drown you, or your hopes of love, which happens when you decide to live there. To me one of my most notable achievements was being a good wife. And because of someone else’s choice, all of a sudden, I wasn’t one! Since I was a child, I have been aware that I Loved deeply, but I never did imagine that because I could love so deeply, in return I would have to grieve just as deep! Whereas I thought that my loss would utterly destroy me, I had to learn the tough lessen that the only person that I’ve ever lost and needed back to survive, HONEY THAT WAS ME AND GOD!! I needed God’s help me to find the passions, beyond my pain. I was pushed into my place of power! I was forced into a position of faith, where it was the only thing I could grasp onto to keep from drowning! I had to breathe in the Spirit of hope, while taking the strategic steps to choose life and to choose love. AND I HAD TO CHOOSE LOVE, BEFORE LOVE EVER FOUND ME, BECAUSE I WAS NOT ATTRACTIVE OR APPEALING, WHILE ALL I PORTRAYED WAS MY PAIN!! God possess the power to release a breakthrough that changes your entire situation. Since my tragedy, it took me almost 3 years to unpack my baggage! WHILE PUTTING IN THE WORK I simply stumbled into the power of myself and MY GOD!! And realized that the power of love still exists!


In respect to time, at your leisure I ask you to read the book of Ruth. This book describes the love story that portrays God’s love for human kind. In a hopeless situation, with no male covering or provision, Naomi and Ruth became increasingly discouraged. Choosing to believe in Naomi’s God, she walked in obedience to her instructions and proudly went to work to feed them both. Ruth was divinely positioned to work in fields belonging to a wealthy landowner named Boaz. Through her faith and obedience, she basically went from begging for left-over scraps of grain in his fields to: becoming his wife, reviving a lineage and becoming the great great grandmother to David. Showing that God can orchestrate the details of your life and set you on a direct path, without using the word “Called”.


Ruth didn’t try to high jack the story from God the author! She allowed God to write a new end and can erase the punctuation of her last sentence, changing it to a comma, instead of a period or exclamation point. HE IS THE ALL MIGHTY GOD WHO FORMED THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH!! It’s His story, you only live in it! Neither does someone else’s choices now negate what God has placed in you. And He sent His only son to the cross to die that your story, no matter how LEFT it went, could always turn around, because that what having a more abundant Life is about! I must reach the women who think that their not Called to be a wife, because for whatever reason they are no longer married! The word of the Lord dedicated an entire book to the life of a similar woman who found herself to NO LONGER BE A WIFE! Who was broken hearted by her husband’s death, yet she allowed herself to be healed and found herself again, Called to love. Just as Ruth did, do not think it strange when an honorable man like Boaz responds with such kindness because he’s impressed to find you humbly working in the fields of God’s kingdom and recognizes the: Spirit of wife; humbleness; hard work; a servant’s heart or noble character, causing him to decide to protect, provide and cover you. This was the beginning of her transition of the next chapter of her story, and it was brought on by her decisions, her disposition, and her work!! Are you ready to put that work in for yours?


It was never my desire to ever find myself in the category of a woman who is desperate for a Mate and finds a husband, but is never willing to grow into the wife that can be a blessing, and not just a burden. We can learn and grow in all situations, regardless of what phase we’re in! Let me not be the woman that is reading every fix yourself book, pressing my way to every Christian conference and counseling session, always looking for a breakthrough word, but never applying it to my thinking process; required healing: emotional control and relational responsibilities that are required in any healthy relationship! Let me not be the woman void of practical application of the disciplines to change. A woman who appears to have Christian standards in public, claims to be Called to be a wife, but compromises all that she’s been taught behind closed doors.


Be encouraged Sis!


As a Wife that's Constantly Striving and Learning,


Author Adia Dozier

Called to be a Wife Devotional

Perfecting Her Craft, LLC

A Literary Company





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